I love women. They really are the greatest things since sliced bread, pockets and Band-Aids. I don't think I've ever met a women I didn't want to get to know better and every woman I've gotten to know, I've learned something from. The best part is that the things I've learned from them are important, meaningful and have shaped my life in one way or another. Women don't (for the most part) waste time on meaningless B.S. or take you down some path (metaphorically speaking) that doesn't go anywhere. They let you know where you stand and if you get on their good side, they treat you like gold. 

Last month I wrote an article titled "For Women Only". In it I hypothesized about why I thought more women aren't involved in kiting, but mostly just made a few observations that may or may not be valid. You must realize, however, that I am a GUY, so any ideas I have (or had) on this subject are completely slanted by my "GUYness" (i.e. those things relating to being a guy).

At the end of the article I asked the ladies out there (nicely) to answer a few questions and email them back to me (which many did) so I could speak from a more educated viewpoint when discussing (and writing about) this subject. I also promised to publish a follow-up article (here it is) with my conclusions and recommendations as to what, if anything, the GUYs of the world can do to try and encourage more women to get involved in kiting. 

I thought that I was fairly clear in identifying my intended audience. The title of the article ("For Women Only") seemed to me to pin-point only one sex. Apparently it wasn't clear enough though as a couple of (knuckle-headed) guys wrote to me too. If I wanted to know what guys think, I would have simply put "FREE BEER!" at the top of the article. If that didn't get a response from them, NOTHING would. 

I'd like to personally thank all the ladies who responded to my first article and wish them all the best in whatever they do. Their answers and insights were instrumental in writing this (follow-up) article and I couldn't have done it without them. If we can open a few doors and get even one more woman flying, it was all worth it. I thank you from the bottom of my bridle. 

There were about 6 or 7 questions that I asked the ladies to answer. We're only going to cover two of them (the two most important ones) here. So, let's get started.

Question:

Why aren't there more women in kiting?

The number of reasons I was given, quite frankly, floored me. One of the things that has always intrigued me about women is their honesty and how easily they open up and tell you what they think. And tell me they did. Here's a few to ponder over ... some of which are real eye-poppers:

"Maybe women have less leisure time because of the gender traditional role of caring for home and children (in addition to other jobs). I mean, in many households, it seems that the male responsibilities remain traditionally "athletic" - fixing things, outdoor chores involving tools, etc. Maybe it's an easier leap from that stuff to kite flying?"

"I honestly think that there is a mild intimidation about asking a male about kiting. Think about it. If a woman asks about football, usually the conversation turns to a situation where you (the woman) end up being talked down to. You become afraid to ask questions because you don't want to be put down for asking a "dumb" question. After a life time of these situations you become gun shy."

"I think a lot of women may think that men want it that way."

"I believe it is along the lines of the hot rods versus Barbie toys. Gender difference."

"Standing in the wind all day really takes it out of your hair!"

"Women are much more money conscious. They find it hard to see how spending $300 on a kite will benefit them when they have a pile of bills sitting at home waiting to be paid."

"Generally, women can admit that they don't know how to do something and like to take lessons. There really are not many men who would help a woman learn. Men would prefer to fly rather than teach."

"I can say that when I was first learning to fly, if I'd had to assemble and tune my own kite, I would have been frustrated a lot. Having someone to pick which kite to buy, set it up, hand me the lines and tell me what to do (and the many things I was doing wrong) made what could have been a difficult task much easier."

"If you notice, most of the women in kiting today, myself included, don't have children or their children are of an age where they can take care of themselves. Add work to the child factor and it spells very little time for activities that don't involve children."

"Men don't have to stay home and take care of the children! They may have more opportunities to fly because they have more time on their
hands for other activities."

"... men have more ability because they are not afraid of breaking the kite or taking chances. Some women don't want to break kites and also don't want to look foolish trying."  

"Most women don't think they have the physical strength to fly sport kites. They watch their counterpart try it, crash the kite, and think, if "he" can't do it, there is no way I can." 

"Any arena that has traditionally been dominated by men takes awhile for women to break into ... whether it's job-related or recreational."
 
"INTIMIDATION.  Plain and simple."

Analysis:

Traditional Roles -

Ok ... so there's not much we can do about this one. Women have babies and they (traditionally) take care of them. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule but for the most part, it holds true. This is a social phenomenon as well as a gender issue. Women have cornered the market on nurturing and caring for infants and until someone figures out a better way to do things, I'm afraid that's just the way things are going to stay for a good long while to come. 

It would seem then that single women with no kids or older women with kids that have grown up and moved away (or are at least self sufficient) are the gals most likely to take a shot at sport kiting.

Gender Issues -

Most men are physically stronger than most women. That's another fact of life we don't really have any control over. Physical strength, however, isn't really the issue here as there are many kites that are easy to fly and don't require great strength. The only time it (strength) really becomes an issue is when you break out that 10' Opus Magnum or just about any other kite in 20 Mph winds. I'm a big, strong guy and I'd just as soon sit that one out myself.

It may be too just a simple matter of the boy-girl thing and what kind of toys we are inherently attracted to. I touched on this one in last month's article and I still think it's a valid argument. Most women simply aren't attracted to the same things that men are attracted to. Yet another fact of life we don't have any control over. 

Do We REALLY Want it That Way? -

Kiting, obviously, isn't REALLY a guy thing. Or is it just that we (as a group) want it that way? A lot of men are overly protective of their sports and hobbies and really don't want to share them with their spouses/mates/girlfriends/whatevers. That's a rather misogynistic point of view though and something we DO have control over (our attitudes and prejudices). 

Complexity -

Just because YOU know your kites, know how to set them up, tune and repair them, it doesn't mean that ANYbody else does. When faced with the prospect of figuring out (from the hundreds of kites available) which one(s) to buy, which lines to get, how to set the kite up, how to tune it for the current wind conditions and then how to fix it when it breaks, it's no wonder that so few people are into sport kiting in the first place. 

I don't think kites are terribly complex, but then I've been around these goofy things for almost 15 years. From the standpoint of someone who's never even seen a stunt kite before, I can see where all those lines and rods would be rather confusing ... especially considering the EXTREMELY poor instructions that one normally gets with a kite (if any). My toaster came with better instructions than ANY kite I've ever purchased. 

Big Bucks -

The good stuff (meaning the best kites) costs money. Lots of it. To be competitive in sport kiting you need (realistically) about 8 kites for dual-line competition. Two different kites in 4 flavors. One for Precision and one for Ballet ... each in the 4 basic configurations - SUL, UL, STD and Vented. We're talking a major investment here of about 2 grand (average) and most women are not willing to part with that kind of scratch for ANY hobby. 

I think that (the money issue) may very well be a "guy thing" also. We (as guys) tend to spend a great deal more money on our hobbies than our, shall we say, "saner" counterparts. We tend to go overboard where women, historically, take a much more level-headed approach to just about everything they do. 

Intimidation -

Many women are intimidated by men. They are very cautious about approaching a man they don't know and asking him to help them learn to fly or to teach them a few tricks. I don't think that's too surprising, or at least it doesn't surprise me one bit. Men haven't exactly been kind to women over the last few million years, and it shows in their behavior and reactions to us. 

Their biggest fear, though, is that they will have to deal with a condescending attitude from the man in question. This, I'm sure, infuriates and disgusts them to no end and I'm positive that if any man were treated as they have been (and still are to a great extent), you'd see some major warfare breaking out on the kite fields of our nation. 

Question:

Is there anything you would like to say to us (men) that you haven’t already?

This question, I thought, would generate a lot of feedback. I fully expected the ladies (given the opportunity and encouragement) to unload and let us know what they REALLY think (about men) ... but it didn't happen (or at least the way I hoped it would). I think the forum (kiting) itself has a lot to do with that and I suspect that most people (male and female) who are involved in kiting are fairly mellow, low-key and down to earth ... or at lest that seems to be the case. Regardless, here's what they had to say;

"Give us women a go. Don't take us flying and then hog the damn kite. Buy us one of our own and You run around for a change throwing the stupid thing up in the air. And most important, don't crack it when she gets better than you!!!!!!"

"You need to be there for the repairs, and encouragement and plan a holiday somewhere she always wanted to go, and there just happens to be a kite festival at the same time."

"I guess I wish the men I run into would be more straightforward and vocal about what they're thinking and why they operate as they do. I'm a pretty straight shooter at this point in my life - I try to be as clear and honest as I can be in my dealings with everyone, including the opposite sex. I can't quite figure out if the men I run into think they're being overt or clear, but to me, it seems like they're all over the place with the messages they send out."

"Be patient. Be encouraging. Don't be intimidating. Don't try and teach a beginner an axel the first time out, start with the basics -- loops are nice!"

"And, most importantly, make sure you take time to put the kite down and just "talk" about kiting. Show them literature, pictures, etc. This is what can really encourage a new flyer. Besides, it's a good excuse to go for coffee or a beer."

"Meet me at the park ... bring kites!"

Analysis:

What DO Women Want?

Even Sigmund Freud couldn't figure that one out, but I'll state the obvious just so we have a starting point.

Women want to be treated as equals (which they are) and made to feel that the questions they ask and the insights they share with us are NOT dumb or unimportant. Women have more intelligent things to say to us (men) than we'll probably ever know and when they do speak, I highly recommend that you listen. I don't mean just nod your head and say, "Yes, dear ...". I'm talking about direct eye contact and a fully alert attitude. Make damn sure they know you're listening or they may never talk to you again. 

Women are brutally honest (most of the time) and expect the same from us (unless of course it involves their figure, hair or whatever they happen to be wearing at the time). The dichotomy of "woman" is that they have two images. One - the one they want us to see and, Two - how they see themselves in their mind's eye. If you can see the one they see (their self-image), you've taken a giant step toward knowing them. That's a pretty tall order though and very few men are even given the opportunity to view the true woman they hold within themselves. It is a fairly lofty goal but one that is worth pursuing.

Women have much better balance (in their lives) than most men do. They are more even-keeled in their pursuit of whatever it is they are interested in. Where men go hog-wild over something (football, kiting, cars, etc.) and spend every last dime they have on their hobbies or interests, woman tend to take a more pragmatic approach and spend their time and money much more wisely. They balance the pros and cons of spending 300 bucks on a kite against their phone bill or that dress they saw at Neiman Marcus last week ... and the obvious choice is NOT the kite.

First Flight -

Susan has shared with me many times the fact that if I HADN'T been there to teach her everything she knows about kites (the mechanics), that it would have been an extremely frustrating experience for her. She's made it very clear that the most important assistance I provided was simply getting the kite set up, tuning it, attaching the lines and then standing down-field to set it back up again when she crashed (or to put the pieces back together again, as the case may be). 

When you're teaching someone to fly, pointing out what they're doing wrong is counter productive. Tell them what they're doing RIGHT and how those things apply to other facets of controlling a kite.

Giving up your love of flying long enough to teach someone else to fly is what this is all about. The rewards are enormous and seeing someone you've taught to fly compete successfully is a reward I highly recommend.

Encouragement and Patience - 

This is probably a given, although it can never be overstated or dwelled upon enough. Patience, they say, is a virtue but in the case of teaching someone to fly stunt kites, it's an absolute necessity. Encouragement goes hand-in-hand with this one and if you don't have the patience and tenacity to stick with it, the pupil will lose interest rather quickly ... and then you'll be stuck flying by yourself (again).

What Should WE Do? (Guys ... read this carefully)

Smile. Most men have no idea how women really see them. A smiling face, a friendly attitude and demeanor work wonders toward helping a woman feel welcome and relaxed. If you smile, introduce yourself and offer your hand in friendship, it tends to have a somewhat disarming affect on people (in general). This especially holds true for women. Leave your macho attitude at home and present kiting as something that anyone can learn and enjoy.  

Trust. If a woman fears you or feels intimidated by your attitude or demeanor, she will NEVER trust you. If she doesn't trust you, she'll never ask you for help or want to share ANYthing with you. Remember that.

Patience. There is NO rush in the learning curve. Women want to take their time and enjoy themselves and not be made to feel like the man is rushing them or doing them some huge favor that they will then be obligated to somehow repay. Women love being the center of attention and when you teach a woman to fly, the ONLY way to do that is to put them at center stage, away from the crowds and onlookers, put them at ease and then start the process of teaching them what YOU already know about kiting.

Talk to them. Grunts and hand gestures work great between guys but women (for whatever reason) simply don't relate to that form of communication. Verbally convey to them what it is you're trying to teach them. Teaching implies learning. However, if your technique sucks (and technique, as in many "sports", is EVERYthing), you'll only succeed in creating confusion and frustration. 

Respect. Women deserve your respect. They've certainly earned it. The fact that they tolerate us at all gives testimony to THEIR patience and understanding that NONE of us is perfect. 

KISS. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don't complicate matters by expounding for hours on the virtues of wrapped over pultruded rods or the active bridle vs. the cross-turbo. As in camshaft timing curves, women don't give a hoot about those details. They want to know HOW. Not WHY or have to wade through piles of details to get to the crux of a subject. The essence of kiting is in the flying. NOT the theory or construction.

Conclusions

You have to remember that I'm just a guy, prone to dumb mistakes and make them frequently. All that aside though, I've had the help of some pretty smart ladies on this one, so maybe I'll get it right (this time).

It's pretty obvious that there are some major differences between men and women ... some of which we'll never get sorted out or figure out what (if anything) can be done to change things. In some cases, I'm pretty sure that we DON'T want to change things as those differences (at least in my mind) are pretty cool and what attracts me to women in the first place.

In retrospect, it isn't so much our likenesses that attract us to each other as it is what we share mentally or spiritually that brings us together. Having a common interest (like kiting) helps a great deal but in the final analysis, it's that special bond between a man and woman that keeps them together and helps to make their life complete. If that bond is missing, all the kites in the world won't make a difference and regardless of which direction the wind is blowing from, it'll always be the wrong one.

Women are not really all that mysterious, although they would probably prefer that we see them that way. The approach you take with them though is crucial and spells the difference between success and failure. Teaching a woman to fly kites isn't any different from teaching her to drive a car with a stick-shift or program a VCR. The key is patience and an un-intimidating, light-hearted approach. 

Women don't like it much when a man gets WAY too serious about something (like a hobby) that's SUPPOSE to be fun ... and kite flying is one of THE most fun things a couple can share. If you have to drag your mate onto the kite field, kicking and screaming the whole way, you've got a pretty tough row to hoe regardless of how much you WANT her to fly with you.

Women take in interest in things for a variety of reasons. If something appeals to them, it's probably on a different level than most men would ever guess. A woman's heart is a deep and mysterious place to look ... but if you look long enough and with enough patience, it will take you to places that not even the best kites on the planet could rival.

What are these articles REALLY all about? 

The reality of all this that we're still searching in the dark for our answers and trying to find some common ground that we can ALL share and stand on together. Kiting (to me) seems to be a way to do that as it gives us all a common ground (the kite field) to play on and communicate with each other, whether with words or with the art and beauty we create while flying our kites. 

My feeble attempt to uncover the reasons why more women don't fly kites or compete was actually nothing more than a search for truth, for those things that we might all understand or relate to. My whole life has been a search for truth, and what I've found along the way helps me deal with my fellow man (and woman). 

Maybe some day we'll all be able to look back on a time when men and women weren't so close, when they truly didn't understand each other or have a common ground (like a kite field) to stand on. Maybe some day we'll know what makes each other tick and why we do or say those things that have kept us apart over the millennium. I think we're getting there ... slowly but surely ... but I think we still have a long way to go. Maybe ... just maybe ... together we'll find our way.

Allen