Y2K ... And Beyond

by Allen Stroh

Kitelife.com Y2K Compliance Statement and Special Announcement

While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make preparations in the event unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our readers. As such, we have recently developed a "Y2K Backup Input Device" in the event of catastrophic failure of our primary data input software and associated computer systems.

Our new backup input device is designed to meet short term emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure or operational delays. This new device is Kitelife's "Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison" (PENCIL). The KiteLife.com staff of highly skilled writers and journalists will be required to implement the new device. This document describes its preparation and use.

Y2K Testing: This device has undergone extensive field testing, including certification testing as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for data input, review, storage, archiving and deletion and will be functionally sound into and beyond the year 2000.

Preparation: Prior to use, PENCIL will require preparation and a supply of suitable recording media for data entry. Tools and supplies required are:

1. a sharpening or grinding device 

2. a supply of recording media (paper ... with or without holes).

PENCIL has two major features. They are - input and deletion. The input section of PENCIL (in its virgin or un-initialized state) is recognizable by its blunt, wooden appearance. There is also a dark core visible in the exact center of the input end of the device.

The deletion section is located on the opposite end of the input device and is characterized by a flesh-toned rubbery substance encased in a metal sheath (more about this later).

Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to cut or grind the wooded (input) end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core material must be exposed to function properly.

Data Input Preparation: Place a single sheet of recording media on a smooth, hard surface. Grip the input device between your index, middle fingers and thumb while placing the sharpened point of the input device against the media. This is the proper position for data entry.

At the completion of each data input cycle, lift the input device off the media, move it slightly to the right, replace it against the media and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious and somewhat redundant but with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and accuracy.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or damage the data storage media. If either the input device or the media are damaged, call your Help Desk for further instructions.

Note: Proper use of the device requires knowledge of symbology (by the operator). The symbols closely resemble the computer lettering and numerical system normally used for data input via a keyboard.

Manual entry of this symbology requires highly specialized skills and it may be difficult to locate temporary or long term help to fill these positions. As such, we will attempt to hire individuals with these extraordinarily rare talents, however, the cost may be prohibitively expensive due to high demand for their services.

Deleting Errors: PENCIL is equipped with a manual deletion feature. This feature is located on the reverse end of the input device and operates similarly to the "backspace" key on your keyboard.

Simply place the deletion end of the device against the erroneous data entry on the recording media and move it vigorously back and forth until the undesired symbol(s) disappear. This process should remove the error and enable you to resume data entry.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data recording media. Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable deletion and may require re-initialization of the action (see above).

This device was designed with minimal user maintenance required. However, if technical support is required, you can still call your local Help Desk at 1-(800)-GET-LOST.

Ok. So the world DIDN'T blow up. I'm sure there are a bunch of nuts out there who are really disappointed, too. Folks who racked up 10s of thousands of dollars in kite purchases, just HOPING that the world would disintegrate before they had to pay their Visa bills. I think if we HAD blown up, you could probably get some pretty good deals on kites. Maybe next millennium.

ALL my kites (including the REALLY old ones) are apparently Y2K compliant. This pleases me greatly. Even the Action Kites I bought back in the 80's appear to be fine. I watched them ... carefully ... until just after midnight ... and nothing happened. Those old fiberglass rods didn't (as predicted) disintegrate into a billion tiny particles and the heavy sail cloth didn't rust, bust or sag in the middle even a tiny bit more than it already has over the past decade and a half (roughly).

What amazes me even more is my Stranger Level 7 (SL7) didn't fall apart! Now THAT was a kite I fully expected to burst into flames and vaporize (no ... this isn't a poke at Prism) one second after midnight. It didn't so much as let out a whimper. It does, however, appear to be growing dreadlocks.

All my spare SkyShark rods and Avia fittings are still intact as well. The miles of ES/55 line that Susan and I have been hoarding these past months didn't melt into a puddle of liquid spectra ... and I was REALLY looking forward to seeing that!

Even our Revs appear to have survived unscathed. I'm sure that Revolution, in their infinite wisdom, planned that though. They're pretty smart, those Rev folks. The shiny Rev handles with the soft rubber grips? Still just like new. My line stake with the pretty florescent orange ball on top? Looks better than ever, I'm happy to report.

I think Y2K is good for kites. If anything, my kites appear to be in better shape than they were last millennium. Last millennium they looked pretty ratty ... all dirty and wrinkled, covered with sand and grass stains. Now they all look like new! I guess maybe this Y2K stuff isn't such a bad deal after all.

What didn't survive? I have (or had, rather) a toaster that was apparently not Y2K compliant. When I walked by the kitchen on my way to bed, the LED display was flashing out what appeared to be SOS ... only it was 505. Some code or another that I couldn't find in either the user's manual or the FAQ on their web site. From across the room though it really did look like SOS. Now, whenever I try and make toast, it just beeps at me and refuses to get hot. You'd think for 200 bucks you could get a Y3K compliant toaster! Apparently not.

My moose hide slippers are not Y2K compliant. I can't imagine who conspired to make non-Y2K compliant moose hide slippers but whoever it was, I hope they're happy. I'm sure not. I really loved those slippers and now all they do now is make squeaky moose noises and smell really bad.

My electronic pencil sharpener is not Y2K compliant. You wouldn't think it would take software to sharpen pencils but this is/was one very special pencil sharpener. Susan bought it for me for Christmas. She said I had THE best pencil she ever saw and I deserved the coolest pencil sharpener made. I really like her ;-)

Our neighbor's dog (Bosco) turned out to be non-Y2K compliant. At least that's what our neighbor (Bob) tells me. We haven't seen the dog since before Y2K and I could have swore I heard what sounded like a gunshot or a really big firecracker just after the stroke of midnight, Dec. 31. Bosco wasn't exactly an affectionate dog though. Bob used to mix gunpowder in with his food ... supposedly to make him mean. We used to avoid having barbecues when Bosco had gas. It just wasn't safe. Come to think of it ... we had a barbecue New Year's Eve ... and I don't remember putting out the coals. Uh oh.

So, it would appear that amidst an exploding Bosco dog, non-Y2K compliant toasters, moose-hide slippers and an electric pencil sharpener, everything else survived. I suppose we should all be grateful that if nothing else, our kites are Y2K compliant. I know I am.

I'll miss Bosco though. All the bushes around Bob's house are charred and barren of leaves. Bob is a smoker and he used to chase Bosco around the yard with a lit cigarette whenever he (Bosco) had gas. That dog would take off like a rocket when Bob lit one of his doggie farts. It was truly amazing to see those two in action and Bob would laugh hysterically for hours afterwards. That Bob. What a character.

What's beyond Y2K?

Well, for starters, the SDKC (Sandy Eggo Kite Club) is having its annual New Year's Day Fun Fly at Mariner's Point. I've asked their Vice President (that'd be Susan) to add a few new entries into the "let's just have fun at someone else's expense" category of festivities planned for the day. I'd like to get the entire club membership together and have a bean-bag throwing party with the president (Charlie M'Clary). I think we should fill the bags with old Jujubes and gum scraped off the floor and the bottom of the seats at the local movie theatre where the bums and preverts go to watch dirty movies. I also think the bags should be soaked in beer ... a substance that Charlie is intimately familiar with.

And I'd REALLY like to see ALL the members of the club actually FLY a kite! I know ... I'm just a Maverick ... but it seems to me that's what a kite club is suppose to do. Especially on the first day of the new millennium. If nothing else, all the members of the SUAFYKC (Shut Up And Fly Your Kite Club) who are on hand will enjoy making fun of all the non-kite flying kite fliers. That's what we do. It'll be a cluster to remember, too.

Afterwards we'll probably all just go home and think about what it all means ... why we DIDN'T blow up and just how the heck we're going to pay for all those kites we charged up on our Visa cards. I don't know. Maybe this Y2K stuff isn't such a great idea after all.

Allen