For Women Only

by Allen Stroh

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,

Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

**********

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked,

Bring beer.

What's THIS one all about? ...

I don't know how true any of the above is (other than the last part), but it illustrates a very basic difference between men and women. Women tend to be more subjective and less ephemeral about love and romance, whereas men are more visually oriented and prefer to cut right to the chase, as it were. I don’t think our basic differences and tendencies are that easily defined but for the purposes of this article, we’ll assume a certain perspective that accepts that we are VERY different indeed.

That’s not what this article is about, though. What it IS about is why there are so few women in kiting and what we (as a group) can do to change things. And in case you're wondering WHY I'm bringing up all this  stuff, it's because ...

Many of us feel that a male dominated sport (like kiting) isn't all that it's cracked up to be without women thrown into the equation. We are guys, after all, but we feel that there simply aren't enough gals [flying kites] to make things interesting and as much fun as we KNOW kiting could be. We WANT to share our love of kiting and our passion for the sport with you (the women of the world) and we need your help (as always) in figuring out what to do to get you (as a group) involved.

I won’t presume to speak for or represent all men in these matters but SOMEBODY needs to figure out what we (as men) can do to change things (for the better). It is my hope that by at least starting a dialog and taking this first step, we might ALL gain from the experience and make kiting a more representative and equally distributed (between the sexes) sport.

Girls just want to have fun! ...

To begin (for you guys out there), if you're in a relationship with a woman and she's NOT included in your most treasured of pastimes, you're missing out on a great deal of fun and shared experience that will give you a lifetime of memories. I know precious few things about women but what I DO know for sure is they treasure fond memories of both the romantic and not so romantic times they spend with their chosen mate. They really do just want to have fun ... just like us guys ... and it doesn't really seem to matter much what it is they're doing, as long as they DO have fun and can share that experience with someone.

I also know that women are the masters of balance. They somehow are able to juggle a seemingly infinite number of life's perpetually changing challenges all at once ... a feat that I've NEVER seen a man do with as much grace, tenderness and veracity. HOW they accomplish so much all at once is beyond me but it would seem that flying kites (for them) should be a piece of cake when there are SO many other things they do well. 

The absence of EGO ...

Another thing I've learned about women over the years is that very few of them actually have an ego (at least the male equivalent of one). Years ago I was heavily into benchrest shooting. This sport involves extremely expensive rifles that are the ultimate in accuracy and precision. We're talking sub-tenth of an inch (and less) groups at 100 to 300 yards, spending many hours reloading to extremely tight tolerances, and a discipline that requires a level of concentration and nearly telepathic knowledge of the effects of the wind on bullet trajectory ... on-the-fly ballistics measurements and calculations made by a computerized chronograph, etc. In short, the ultimate sport for the ultimate anal retentive.

During those years I taught several women to shoot both rifles and handguns and was constantly amazed at how proficient they became in an incredibly short period of time. Most men approach shooting with a macho attitude ... always competing against themselves or others and trying to beat the guy next to them at the range. The women I taught to shoot could care less how well they were doing ... much less the guy next to them. All they wanted to do was learn the basics and how NOT to shoot themselves in the foot. 

As a result, they did phenomenally well simply because they JUST wanted to learn how to defend themselves. Their reason were either purely selfish (self defense) or they wanted to be able to protect their families in a crisis situation (an intruder in the house or maybe the pizza guy messed up their order ... whatever).

The point is, they didn't care how anyone else viewed their level of skill and in fact, the thought never crossed their minds (as if it even mattered). I find that attitude uniquely refreshing when you consider how tightly wrapped  most men are when they're constantly striving to beat the crap out of their competition. I'm not saying that ALL women are that way but, from my experience and observation, it holds true much of the time. Women simply don't care about such things.

What we can infer from this is that most women wouldn't give a hoot if your axels were flatter than theirs or whether YOUR 540 flat spin turns into a 900 (or a zero, for that matter). As long as they have FUN while they're doing it, that's all they really care about. 

Why we fly ...

We all have our own reasons why and how we got into kiting (I know I have mine) and why we enjoy flying so much. Maybe if we (the guys) tell women why we fly, they'll have a better understanding of what it is that attracted us to kiting in the first place. I don't know if it makes any difference or not (to women) but it's worth a shot. Here are a few reasons that may or may not apply to some or all men in the sport;

1 – it is a combination of control, creativity and the challenge to maintain and expand those two elements.

2 – it provides a certain feeling of unfettered freedom (even though we are firmly anchored to the ground).

3 – it is extremely relaxing and quite helpful in lessening the effects of stress in our daily lives.

4 – kites are cool looking and if you’re willing to spend the money you can get just about any graphic you'd ever want on them (from subliminal to outrageously sexy).

5 – we can tinker with and tweak them to our heart's content (which is why Jon Trennepohl sells SkyShark rods, thank you very much).

6 – they're very pretty to look at against a backdrop of blue skies and palm trees or side-sliding just above the surf.

7 – it is the art of Zen and being one with your kite and those incredible moments when we feel that we truly are.

8 – it's WAY fun!

There are many other reasons but these are the bulk of the intelligible ones that have been expressed to me over the years. The bottom line, though (#8), is the key here. We wouldn't be doing it if it WASN'T fun.

Boys and Girls ...

I seriously doubt that most women are NOT interested in kiting simply because men ARE. It may very well be a male dominated sport simply because it’s a "guy thing” … like playing with toy trucks and electric trains when we were kids ...although I don't necessarily agree with that philosophy. We do, however, tend to gravitate toward certain things naturally and, like the failed experiments of the late seventies and early eighties, it’s a complete and utter waste of time and energy to try and force asexual “stuff” (toys) on boys and girls in the hope they will become more alike (or more asexual). It just doesn’t work that way.

Given a room full of dolls, toy trucks and an equal number of girls and boys, 99.9% of the time you’ll see the girls playing with the dolls and the boys playing with the trucks. Fighting that tendency or trying to change the basic nature of men and women is about as futile as trying to change the tides or where the sun rises and sets.

I think that’s one of the main reasons why women get so frustrated with men. They want us (men) to change but I don’t think that ANY of us (male or female) are capable of ignoring or altering our basically instinctive nature. We do the things we do for a variety of reasons and some of those reasons are imbedded in our DNA. There’s just no way to repress a preprogrammed response, reaction or tendency ... no matter how disgusting it may seem to the fairer sex. Here's an example of what I mean by that:

Ball Scratching ... 

I was scratching my balls the other night when Susan asked (rather whimsically) if she could help. I explained to her that ball scratching is an art form and that each of us (men) has our own technique which we strive to perfect over the years and as we mature (or fail to mature, as the case may be). Asking someone else to scratch your balls is like asking the Pope if he'd like to go out on Friday night, shoot some pool, toss down a few brews and try and pick up a few babes at the local bar. It just isn't done. It's an interesting concept ... but again ... it doesn't work that way.

Sex & Kites ...  

Kites ARE very asexual, although assigning a gender to a kite isn't necessarily a chauvinistic thing to do. Susan and I have a pair of kites that are very much male and female (see for yourself). The Babe (left) is female and the Hunk (right) is obviously male. These are custom art kites made by Peter Betancourt and are two of the best examples of erotic appliqué I've ever seen. The image of the Hunk is apparent to even the most casual observer but what fascinates me about the Babe is that people see different things when they look at "her". Some immediately see her image while others see something entirely different. Somehow that seems fitting and exemplifies the mystery of women to a "T". 

Why DON'T more women fly kites? ...

It's conceivable that some men DON'T want to share kiting with their better half (for a variety of reasons). They may very well consider kiting a "guy thing", as I'm sure many women do too. There are (still) a large number of men out there that are really into the "male bonding thing" and doing stuff with "the guys". Frankly, I'd rather "bond" with a woman over a man ANY day, so that whole male bonding thing is way beyond me. 

Guys are good at very few things that women AREN'T better at, but kiting definitely isn't one of them. Math, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, overhauling the 351 Cleveland engine in that Ford out back ... yup ... we can handle that stuff with our eyes closed. But the things that are actually meaningful in life ... that's where you gals kick in, take over, and leave us in your dust.

Aside from the guy thing, it may also be that we just haven’t figured out how to present kiting to women in such a way as to make the sport appear as something we CAN all share. I’ll give you an example of how to do just that.

In June of 1997 I introduced Susan Shampo to sport kiting. I bought her a Prism 3D, we walked down to the beach and in fairly light winds and on fairly short lines, I taught her to fly. The weather was great, the winds were cooperating, the sunset that evening was killer and when we were done I held her in my arms and told her how proud I was of her. I didn’t make a big deal out of it or push her to try and do things with the kite that I knew she wasn’t ready for. I simply placed myself in “patient mode” and taught her the basics of kite flying on two lines … and that’s all it took. She’s been flying and competing successfully ever since. 

I won’t go so far as to say that Susan is a typical woman though as she is very atypical. However, she IS still very much a woman and although she would, more often than not, prefer to hang out with “the guys” and fly kites, it’s because of her love of kiting, the fact that she actually LIKES us (guys) and because she’s very socially oriented to begin with. She likes most people in general and gets along with just about everyone. Personally, I think she’s rather unique … but then we’re all unique in one way or another.

There is another possibility that occurred to me. Someone asked me once why I write software for a living. As I recall, my response was, "Because I can't sing." It goes without saying that some people just don't have the hand-eye coordination it takes to fly a stunt kite. I remember a guy that showed up at the park one day that proved that axiom beyond a shadow of a doubt.

He started buying kites left and right and spent close to a couple of grand before he finally realized he was in over his head. I spent hours with him trying to teach him simple axles and snap stalls but it was all for naught. I hate to admit defeat but in this guy's case, it was a complete waste of time. He was/is one of the most uncoordinated individuals I've ever met and I doubt he could find his butt with both hands and a flashlight. He was the exception though, rather than the rule. MOST people I've taught to fly only needed a few hours at most to pick up the basics of stunt kite flying and a few are just natural fliers (like Susan).

It also occurred to me that maybe some men and women actually NEED to spend some time apart and that's why they have separate interests and activities. They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I'm not sure I agree with that one. Susan and I spend ALL our free time together and I don't think I'd want it any other way. It does bring up an interesting point though. 

What makes sense to me is the more time we spend together (men and women), the more we learn about each other and the better we understand what makes each other "tick". A common interest, whether it's kiting, dancing, wine tasting or bowling, will do just that. Kiting provides the best of both worlds though, as you can spend time together ... but apart. Your mate stands on one side of the flying field while you stand on the other ... flying to your heart's content ... or you can stand together and fly either formal or informal pairs routines (just making things up as you go along).

What astounds me the most about kiting is how quickly time passes when you're flying. Yesterday at the park Susan and I started fooling around with our Rev 1.5s ... doing an informal quad pairs thing. It was the first time we'd ever tried it and it gobbled up the 30 minutes or so we had left to fly so quickly that the time simply vaporized in the blink of an eye. That's generally the case with kite flying. It seems like as soon as you get to the park and have flown for a while, it's already time to go, or the sun is setting, or your stomach starts growling and you suddenly realize you haven't eaten in 5 hours. Kiting is a time machine that blurs the hours into one fun-filled instant.

And THAT, gentle reader, is the main reason we want you by our sides when we fly. To share something that we've grown to love, and encourage you to learn what we have learned. That kiting is a sport that is ageless, boundless, sexless, provides endless hours of fun and relaxation and allows us to spread our wings and become a key element in the fantasy of flight. We want you to see what we see, and feel what we feel, and to discover that when you fly with us, together we will soar.

Help us! ...

The subject of women has been pondered over by men for centuries and it hasn't really gotten us anywhere (yet). There are a lot of us out here who would like nothing more than to just sit and watch you ladies fly ... for hours and hours. Watching women doing ANYthing is pretty cool in my book and having one (woman) of my very own (Susan) to share my interest and passion in kiting with is about as good as it gets. I KNOW there are many other men out there who would love one (a woman who flies kites) of their very own, too, and to that end we ask you all to answer a few questions and help us discover what (if anything) we can do to improve our chances of convincing you to join us.

We know we're just guys and between us barely have enough sense to even write this stuff, but we're  trying. Without you amongst us, we're incomplete ... and we will only be complete when we stand  together as one. Please help us.

GUYS! ...

If you fly kites and have a wife, girlfriend or just a female friend who doesn't fly (and you want her to), get her to read this article and then follow the directions below. We also want to hear from you women who DO fly kites because we want to know what it is about the sport you DO like (just to see if it's any different from what we already know). Actually, we want to hear from ALL women whether they fly kites or not. We don't want to leave anybody out and we REALLY need all the help we can get.

Here are the questions ...

What do you enjoy most about sport kiting?

What DON’T you like about sport kiting?

Why do you think there are so few women in the sport?

Why do you think kiting is such a male dominated sport?

What would it take to get you involved in kiting?

What, if anything, would you like to see changed about the sport?

Is there anything you would like to say to us (men) that you haven’t already?

The directions below ...

What we ask you to do is copy and paste the above questions into an email and answer them as best you can. Then send your responses to the following email address with the subject line of  The Answers;

Kiteman@san.rr.com

Be assured that complete anonymity will be maintained at all times. Nothing you write will be directly attributable to you or anyone else and NO email addresses will be printed or distributed to anyone. We may quote some or all of your responses but your name and email address will be held in the strictest of confidence. No one will write back unless you ask a direct question or ask for a reply. Our conclusions, if any, will be formulated and presented (by yours truly) in the next issue of KiteLife.com. 

We thank you from the bottom of our bridles for helping us.

Allen Stroh